Thursday, April 30, 2009









I spent the mornign before school with liz today. that was enjoyable, as always. I'm pretty sure that if I could, I would spent every second of every day with her. but she would probly get bored of me after a while. but still. I wish I could. pretty sure I would love life it that were to occur.

but anyways.

I was really upset while playing tennis today. I yelled, and screamed. and we won. so that was good. we are doing quite well.

I called someone a twat waffle. they called me a dick face.

someones mother approves of me. hoorah.

my mother asked me a million questions about prom and wouldnt let me go to the bathroom. it was annoying.

I yearn for what I want. now more than ever.

I'm excited for tomorrow.

I cant wait to look super snazzy in my tuxedo. it will be awesome.

I cant wait.

sometimes I get cu

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

For love of the game

Today, my dad told me I seemed disturbed. oh well. today, I also wrote a poem. its not as good as I thought, but whatever. here goes.

I wouldn't rather
stop. for I recall
the days of darkness
when all sight was lost.

now I see

I would much rather
continue. for
any sight at all
is better than none.

But I am not free

I am bound
by the ties of
sight and sound
for yes, I can see.

And I like that.

for I would never quit
love this game
far too much.


I became rather angry at some younger kids today. I was frustrated by my friends, because I didnt talk to them. I was all set to go and talk to krista and mike, but they walked right past me. so, I didnt. I went at my own pace. and talked to ashley brusse for a moment.

I think my dog is aging. it makes me sad, he has a line on his face that was not there a few years ago. just like all things, he must get older. as must I. oh well.

I'm very happy for krista. I hope she gets what she wants, because then I would be getting what I want. oh man, if that happened, I think this summer would make me explode with joy. its gonna be amazing. amazing. amazing. amazing.

I wish my coach wasnt so negative. thats not the way you make people enjoy what theyre doing.

I wish younger people had an ounce of maturity.

I wish I had what I want.

I wish you goodnight.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I wish you wouldnt fall asleep on me...


So, today, was pretty much a zoo. the whole day. every part of it. but, you all dont care about that. I suppose if you do, you'll ask me about it.

You know what I love? the ability to wake up at 750, have breakfast, take a shower, go to school, and be there by 810. Its amazing. I'm sure you are all jealous. and by you all, I mean the one person that I am reading this to, and the 6 other people that read my blog. but still, I'm sure you are all jealous.

I did that this morning, by the way.

I wish I could make people materialize out of thin air. that owuld be amazing. that way, I could have everyone who I want to be around whenever I wanted them.

I also wish i had a picture of myself that had a facial expression that fluctuated with my mood. that would be quite entertaining. and then people wouldnt have to ask me whats wrong with me all the time.

I guess I'm emloyee of the month. how exciting. I will inform you of the reason later.

I wish I had what I want. thats probly my most pressing wish.

I wish you good night.

Monday, April 27, 2009

I think she likes me...

And by she, I do not mean the she that I like...bye she I mean the one who I danced with. and whom I have said three words to. well, maybe 8. but still, thats not a lot of words. Maybe I should talk to her a little...maybe tell her a few more words. like 15 or so?

anyways. today was a really good day. mainly because I got chosen to be in the all state band. which is exciting because of the musical opportunity that it will present. its also exciting because I thought I played like a diaper covered in burnt hair at my audition. but I guess the old bald man didnt think so. thanks old bald man, you made my day.

I'm so smelly right now, its unbelievable. I bet I could kill a small child with my stench. or maybe small animal as well. like a cat. I bet I could kill a cat with my stench. thats how nasty it is.

Ooh, I also won in tennis, so thats good. I love playing with doug. I feel like we play excellent together.

of all the good days, this was a good one.

tenk you veddy much.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I...I don't know

I know things, I know that I have good friends.

I know that I will be sad when they leave this town, But I will also be happy. because they are leaving this town, and that is something that everyone should do.

I will be sad, because I will not see several of my friends for a long period of time. but I'm sure, in the end it will all work out. it always does.

I think the pain of them leaving will be eased by new friendships that I have cultivated this year. I am glad that I have done such things. I am sure that these friends will help me a great deal later on in life. perhaps even next year.

If I am reading this to you, then I am glad that I am. I am glad that you are my friend, and I am glad that I have you. I'm glad that you feel comfortable enough with me to tell me things.

If you are reading this to you, well, I am glad that you are my friend. I am glad that you like me enough to read my blog.

Kimala once said, "you must give love to receive love"

I want to receive love. I suppose I must give some more.

I don't

you ever have that feeling?

that feeling of extreme sadness?

I had that feeling last night. For various reasons, last nigth was perhaps the saddest conversation I have ever had in my life. I will just leave it at that.

hopefully she realizes...hopefully i realize...Hopefully I can pull my head out from its hole...hopefully.

I dont understand.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

I can't

You ever have that feeling?

that feeling of extreme happiness?

I had that feeling today, someone came in the store today, and I'm sure that the person who I was helping thought I had just seen jesus or something. because let me tell you, I felt myself smile like noneother. Twas ridiculous. It made me very happy that I was visited.

I also was very elated that I beat my dad in tennis. but, I'm sure you all dont care to hear about that.

something someone said today makes me think I wont get what I want for a while, but thats ok. I can wait. I am a patient person.

Have a nice evening.

Friday, April 24, 2009


You gotta have faith.

you also gotta see the soloist. its amazing.

krista's cat doesnt like me, I dont like it, because it threw up on things.

I can drink a bottle of water really fast.

I want nothing more than one hand to hold.

Annoying people annoy me.

I'm really glad I'm not taking spanish next year.

I truly love about 5 people in this world. 3 are actresses, and the other three are friends.

two are friend love, 3 are more than friend love.

Love is all you need.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Quit It

today....interesting to say the least.

I went on two dates, got bitched at, got corrected on one of my inside jokes that the corrector had no idea about, won in tennis, and am now sitting in my underwear, talking, chatting, texting, blogging, and thinking.

I have concluded that kristas parents are ridiculous. I want to meet them and show them I'm equally as ridiculous. maybe being shown someone ridiculous will make them see in themselves what they really are. or maybe they will just not want krista to hang out with me. that would not be good. maybe I wont do that.

someone made me really angry today, someone sent me a picture of themselves, and I'm pretty sure I laughed really hard at some point in the day.

aside from being really angry, it was a good day.

dont ever tell me to quit it. I might kill you. I almost did that to someone today.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

the silence

though the air is full of singing
my head is loud
with the labor of words.

though the season is rich
with fruit, my tongue
hungers for the sweet of speech/

though the beech is golden
I cannot stand beside it
mute, but must say

"it is golden" while the leaves
stir and fall woth sound
that is not a name.

it is in the silence
that my hope is, and my aim.
a song whose lines

and not mourn: the world
lives in the death of speech
and sings here.

-wendell berry

Perhaps I should become a buddhist. Perhaps, if I rid myself of this want, I will be happier. I am happy, but I am also sad. For I cannot have what I want. Not at the moment at least.

Perhaps I should be glad with what I have. friends that love me, parents that love me (unlike cort), and a roof over my head. Perhaps I dont truly need what I want.

Perhaps that last sentance is a lie.

I am cultured. I read poetry, listened to classical music, drank some green tea, sat in a wigwam, wore a sombrero, and learned somalian. I should be on some tv show or something.

For those about to rock.

We salute you.

And laugh at you, because you're dumb.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


I thought a lot today about change.

How long does it take to change someones mind?

What does it take to change someones mind?

I dont know the answer to either of those questions, but it would be nice if I did.

oh well, in time, everything will work out.

Today, people farted in my face, stole my phone, and were just plain mean. and you know what? I dont care. I dont care that you laugh, and I dont care that you think its funny when I get angry. I just take pleasure in the fact that your parents dont love you, and mine do. Take that, asshat!

I have been up increasingly later every single night. pretty soon I will be getting no sleep whatsoever. and you know what? I will enjoy it. It will be fun.

Hitler the Brain-Mole

Hitler the brain-mole looks out of my eyes
goering boils ingots of gold in my bowels
my adams apple bulges with the whole head of goebbels
no use to tell a man hes a jew
I'm making a lampshade out of your kiss
confess! confess!
is what you demand
although you believe your giving me everything

-leonard cohen

I'm tired.
I'm tired of people.
I'm tired of wanting.

Just let me have.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Dee anne carver's face is now absent of orthodontic hardware.

Dee anne carver's face is now absent of orthodontic hardware, just so you know. I thought it would be prudent to tell you that, as she felt it prudent to tell the whole world that. and by whole world, I mean facebook. now I'm really telling the whole world about it. woo.

Today, my tennis coach told me that I was beginning to look like a tennis player. which, of course, is a lot better than an embarrasment to watch, so thats nice.

It hailed, and we still continued to play. how fun. My ears hurt after that. it was kinda ridic.

Last night, I was asked if I had a place I wanted to be kissed, and I said underneath a giant tree. I hope that comes true sometime. that would be fun.

It would not be fun to be kissed in the hail. not in the slightest.

me and andrea had our second and third date today, I think I should go in for the kiss next time.

we're in love.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

love after love

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

— Derek Walcott

I have so many thoughts running through my mind right now, its unbelievable. I'm trying to put some down, but its going terrible.

Synopsis of the brain:


Saturday, April 18, 2009

the rain.

It is raining.

I love the rain, it always makes me feel better. It helps me to sleep. and it smells nice. It also does many other things than just help me sleep, or smell nice.

I have been wondering why I like the rain so much lately. I thought that it was because it helped me move on from things whenever I was sad. It seems to wash away everythign sad that has ever happened, and lets the door open for new things.

I also thought it was because the rain was constant. When it rains, its always there, comforting you with its pitter patter on the ground.

but I think the thing I most like about the rain is the sound it makes. It does all the things, it comforts you, it washes away empty feelings, and it just fills you with joy. which is what I am feeling right now.

synopsis of the day.
fried chicken
home videos
hide and seek


Friday, April 17, 2009

Today may have been the most enlightening day of my entire life.

When I was in 6th grade, I did not go to a courage retreat, but I did go to a school where the principles that were taught at this courage retreat that I was helping at today were taught. At my school, we were taught to always be yourself, and to repect others, and to know that what you say could be hurtful to others.

Today was the first day of my life where I realized how priviliged I was to grow up in such an environment. It was an everyday occurance to call a "conference" in which you told the other student that you were upset with, along with a teacher, what you were upset with. You then worked it out peacefully. I feel like this is the same concept that was used today at the courage retreat. people were letting out their feelings, although, I'm really not sure that anyone is going to stop making fun of draven, or carson, or riley. which is sad, but its true.

I have lost my faith in humanity. they say that they will stop doing something, for instance, stop making fun of someone, and they do not. there are a great many people that are made fun of in my school, and a great many people who have probably said that they wont be making fun of them any more. and yet, feelings are still hurt, and laughter is still had.

my sadness is unparralelled.

Oh well. I suppose the best thing would be for me to lead by example, and try and be the best person that I can be. I know I'm not perfect, but, no one is.

My act of courage is to realize that who I am is a great person and me being me will get me everything I want. I cant force anyone to like me, but I can show them how great of a person I am by being myself.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


I went on a date today. We shared a pizza, and there was a malt with two straws. After we were done eating, I took her to the office, and romantic words were said.

I wrote a poem today, she said it made her blush. I wrote her a note, and she said it made her feel special. its her birthday, I hope it was enjoyable for her.

I dont know what else to say.

I suppose I made some people jealous. but none of them deserved my goodbye anyways.

I had mcdonalds, and when I got home, I had to shit a brick. it was not fun.

I'm doing laundry, texting, watching the twins, and chatting with my best friend. I'm so talented.


hopefully we talk on the phone tonight.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Pigtails, a french accent, and some chicken wings.

I yelled at a walmart employee tonight. She was old, and smoking a cigarette. So, Obviously, she needed to be yelled at. I didnt yell any particular words, I just yelled. loudly. and now my voice hurts.

I went to bdubs tonight. it was delicious, but thats beside the point. Alex pyle decided to get the hottest wings there were. he ate one, and was nearly vomiting for about 5 minutes.

Tuxedos are expensive.

I think that there is little more beautiful than a lovely young lady wearing pigtails. I about fell over today when I saw someone who was wearing them...

I'm gonna learn french soon. then women will be like "oh josh, you can speak french, and write poetry? Goodness, I want to be romantically involved with you. your so romantic and manly."

tomorrow is someones birthday. I wonder what I should do.

don't let the bleh bleh blehs get you!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


I love the movie once. It may just be one of the greatest movies ever filmed. I love the message it brings, I love the actors, I jsut love everything about it. especially the music. I will be watching it again soon. maybe even tonight.

I became flustered with my mother today. I dont think that is very fair to her, she was just trying to be comforting. I'm sorry about that.

I love everything.

I love everyone.

Someone called me last night, it was very exciting, I haven't had a conversation on the phone with someone other than my dad in like, 5 years. I loved it.

I suppose I will be taking a yoga calss in rochester this summer. I need to get my license.

I hope she texts me back.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Casual....yet dangerous.

I'm so tired, I could eat a horse.

this is the most fun I've had since sliced bread.

I said both expressions today, and both were fails. they did not draw a single hint of laughter. I dislike it immensely when that occurs. I want people to be laughing at me all the time. all. the. time.

I gave a speech today, some people laughed, and if I would have not said umm, I would have gotten a darn near perfect on it.

I wish I wrote better poetry.

I can never seem to convey whats in my head on to the paper. its hard to give words meaning.

I like to think I'm a moderately decent writer, but I feel like I could be a lot better. sometimes, there are things that just get in the way.

I'm in love with a stripper.

her name is la fawn duh.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I dont go to church.

I dont go to church. I dont believe in a man going and telling me what to believe in, I want to figure out on my own what to believe in and what to follow. I have decided not to follow jesus, and instead, follow myself.

that may seem weird, but I believe that the only thing I can truly believe in is myself. I know that I will make the right decisions in whatever I do, and the only one that can validate those decisions is me.

there are several other things that I believe in, like inner peace, and my friends, but my main belief system is centered around me.

I feel excellent about myself as a human being today. In fact, so excellent that I may do my homework before speech class tomorrow, perhaps even before I go to sleep.

The reason I feel so excellent about myself is the fact that: 1) I beat my uncle in badminton. that has never happened before, and he is extremely good. 2) I have a family that loves me to no end.
3) I received a text message from that certain someone that said "thank you for being so sweet and for being different than all the other guys." this just makes me feel excellent. 3) I received another text message from my good friend katie that said "you are an excellent guy, and friend."

Now, not that I didnt already know these things, but actually hearing(or reading) them made me feel very good, I was also told this last night, and it brought my mood up a bit. So, I thank all who have made me feel better.

I showed my family a picture of me and krista, and my uncle said "ooooh josh, whos this babe" and then passed the phone around, the rest of the family had the same reaction.

I love my family.

I love my friends.

I hate homework.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

I am enough.

I will be writing a poem soon. it will be called the tree of life, and I will give it to one person. it will hopefully be the best thing that I have ever written.

I am reminded once again that I have the best friend in the world, she makes me happy when I am sad, and brings me out of funks that I seem to manage to get myself into. I hope I do the same.

I was interviewed for tv today, I said a bunch of really inspirational quotes. and when I say inspirational, I mean inspirational. I think I'm made for tv.

I had a dream today, or maybe it was just a daydream that occured while I was driving to madison that me and krista were dating, it was interesting, because nothing was different except that we were holding hands, instead of not.

I just called kelsey fick a dumb ho.

I hope I go to heaven for that. someone needs to say it.

Friday, April 10, 2009


my dad is a grouch. thats all I have to say. he has annoyed me a lot this past week. But, thats ok. I take deep breaths, and it all goes away.

I'm gonna teach lizbeth how to let things go. Its a talent that I think everyone needs to learn.

I love you man is perhaps the funniest movie I have ever seen.

"anybody want a peanut?"



always on my mind. 8 days a week.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


this is a picture of alex pyle being ruined by whitney gerken. it made me laugh.

Today was a good day. I enjoy good days, lizbeth read my bloggy blog, she laughed. that was fun. Mr. dison told me I was embarrassing to watch. I dont care. I wrote a crappy essay. I dont care. Ross thinks I'm dating krista. no. krista thinks lizbeth and I are like a couple right now. thats cool.

I believe in gravity and inner peace.

I believe in optimism.

I dont believe in getting up at 730 for tennis at 830. but oh well, it will all work out.

I hope I get what I want.

the universe will provide.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

these are the days

these are the days. I enjoy them. I love life. I am grateful that I have the chance to live this life. I am grateful that I have people who love me. I just wanted to say that.

I dont want to talk about my day, who wants to hear about it anyway? anyways, I already told it to someone, and it wasnt that interesting.

I agree with the philosophies of krista johnson. she knows what shes talking about, that woman.

I think tomorrow shall be a good day, I shall have two lovely young ladies (hopefully) coming to watch me play tennis, so that should be exciting.

had first practice with Mr. Dison today,and no matter how much everyone else hates him, I love him. hes my favorite coach I've ever had. I dont understand what is up with everyone else.

anyhoo, I think I must make you laugh for tonight. this has not been a very funny blog, and I lke funny blogs. so, without further ado: BOOBS!!!!!!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I believe in inner peace

Krista believes in inner peace, I share her belief.

I wonder what my life would be like if I had the ability to make women say "oh josh, I want you to be romantically involved with me, your poetry is just so amazing." that would make me happy. but no matter, I know that there will be someone eventually who will say those words.

I love performing, Its my drug of choice. I feel like i'm in a state of ecstasy when I perform. I love making other people happy. no matter what I do with the rest of my life, making people happy will be a part of it.

I love love, even though ive never truly experienced it, I love it.

I love friends. I love staying up unbelievably late in order to get to know someone better. it makes me happy.

You are so beautiful.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I play the faggot

I play the faggot. I play it well, I'm not sure if thats what I want to do with the rest of my life though. Playing the faggot for eight hours a day seems rather daunting. I'm not sure I have the personal drive to accomplish such a feat.

I write poetry. And usually only two people read each poem. Even though my poetry is not the greatest, I still enjoy writing it, and I enjoy giving it to that special someone. I had a dream about her last was, sad, and false. my subconscious must be behind the times.

I love my friends.

Tomorrow will be perhaps the longest day of my entire existence on this planet. wish me luck.

I try to make people feel nice. I try to make people happy. I try to make people laugh. I hope I do a good job.

I love the faggot.

faggot-bassoon in german, italian, spanish.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

A deflector shield....typical.

today was perhaps one of the greatest days of my entire existence on this earth. What could be better than having a beautiful female fall asleep on you, and play hide and seek in an empty movie theater? obviously, not much.

I had a blast tonight, and it would have been a lot less fun if jareds play would have not been sold out. so I'm glad that it was. but for the record, you said that we would be fine. so pish. but whatevs, I'm over that.

Holy Cheezits!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Why the hell didnt I watch table tennis?

I could've watched table tennis, instead of going to that stupid college fair. I dont wanna go to mcnally smith, and I can go and visit the U any day I want. plus lynnette was there. I felt awkward. but oh well, I'm over her, and on to a new girl who doesnt like me like I like her. but oh well, she still thinks I'm a sweet guy. I gave her a note today, and she said it was the sweetest thing anyones ever done for her. she gave me a hug, and I felt warm inside like christmas.

I saw gretchen tonight. that was nice.

tomorrow, the morning hopefully shall be spent with that special someone, and the afternoon and evening with my best friend. it should be a good day. although, I dont like spending money. but I dont mind, since I'll be with krista.

I have a sneaking suspicion that my special someone is infatuated with me gusta that other. but oh well, the universe will provide.

I enjoy friends.


Thursday, April 2, 2009

Para ti

the purpose of tonights blog is not to make anyone laugh, not to hate anyone, but to instead tell the whole world that I have the best bestie ever.

She makes me laugh, so hard sometimes, that I cry. She is always there, and always has good advice, no matter what the situation. And we have so many inside jokes, that I cant even count them. or remember any of them right now. but just know that we have them. When we hang out, I have a grand old time, and I hope you do as well.

Thanks krista.

Kevin has to deal with kyle roberson all night. hahahahahahahahahaha!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Edlaf ibbob

did you know that when you say bobbi faldes name backwards, it sends her back into the fifth dimension? I tried it tonight, it works. like a charm.

Poetry is good for the soul, oven mitts are funny to wear in target, little girls get freaked out when you tell them to check out their drawers, but at least they leave you alone then...

I feel fat...

I feel tired....

I feel like an american.