Tuesday, June 30, 2009

There are two sides to every coin.

I dont feel like being long winded, so I will keep this short.

I dont like it when my father is wishy washy, its annoying.

I dont like bad attitudes, in general. They annoy me greatly.

I dont like not being able to say anything.

I do like my friends. So, everything is good.

Good night, and I bid thee adieu for the next 6 days, unless I get a chance to blog while I have my travelling boots on.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Love is...

Thats the title of a story that I won't finish writing. I won't finish it because I'm too lazy to spend the time and effort to get to the theme, and I would rather be doing other things, like going on facebook, and thinking about how cool it would be to be a transformer.

In any case.

I saw transformers tonight, and it was basically one big explosion. Which I enjoyed thoroughly. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I am transformed. But I cant let you guys see my transformation because then the decepticons would find me. So, you will just have to believe me.

I feel like this blog post has no meaning or purpose.

so I will stop. but I leave you with one thing.

I think that briana dankers is also a transformer. her name is optimus prom.

Sunday, June 28, 2009


This is the second time I've used that as a title. But, I could care less. did you know that snatch is another word for vagina? I'm pretty sure it is.

In any case.

I dont like it when people ask others about the status of their virginity. Its unecessary, and noone should care. Someone used to always ask me that, and I became quite frustrated and angry about it.

I thought I liked being alone, but now, I realize that I dont really. Being alone is just a time to be lost in your thoughts, and right now, I dont like that. I would rather my mind be off that stuff, and being around other people helps to keep the mind off of that.

I love my friends. I had a great time tonight.

I'm tired, so I think I wil go to sleep.

have a good evening, and just remember that I love you.

Saturday, June 27, 2009


I had a steak at midnight. I feel like an adult. there is no one here that can tell me what to do, when to eat, when not to eat. I like it. I will probly gain some weight from it, but I could give a rats patoot about that.

I watched a movie that was... interesting. It made me tear up a little at times, and at others, made me go "what the hell just happened?" there was lots of strange things. It was as if I was watching a dream. and I still dont understand the burning house.

I move on, and then I find another. Thats how its always been, thats how it always will be. until I find something to fill that void. In any case, I really wish I would have had more cash. I feel like the ferris wheel could have been so... I'm not sure. Beautiful. Sure, We will go with beautiful.

ah well, another day my dear.

I should be a chef. People always enjoy the food that I make.

I hope I dont end up like caden. I will not allow myself to be lonely. I will discover who I am, and feed my needs. Not just allow others to spoon feed me my life.

This is me, and I love you.

good night.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

wind cries mary

Today, I took in the sights and sounds of something that was utterly awesome, and decided that I would like to be a part of that when I am older, and more experienced. I also heard something that almost made me cry, and was so angry, if a baby would have been near me, I would have slapped it.

Someone sitting near me on the bus made me want to strangle something, but luckily, I was able to tune her out for most of the ride. Twas only in the latter parts of my journey did she really get to me. But, I survived, and am now content.

My dreams are telling me I'm not a happy person. I feel happy these days, but I guess, like krista, my subconscious knows things that I dont.

I love marching band. I always have. Just thought I would make that clear to everyone. Dont ask me why, its just something that I have a passion for.

its 1:11. seeing three ones in a row made me chuckle a little. MLIA.

have a good day, hopefully I shall see you after the sun goes down on this, the first day of the grand celebration locally known as waterski days.

ciao dizzle girlfresh.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Pinchas Zukkerman

I had a good day. Good enough that while I'm sitting in my chair, I say (in my head of course): man, what a good day.

I realized today how lucky I am to have everything that I have. My job, my mother, my father, my opportunities, my friends, my health, and my ridiculously beautiful self.

I want to turn off the TV right now, since I cant hear it, but the remote is far away, and my dad is now watching it. so scratch that idea.

Some spanish soccer players are ridiculously beautiful. I wish I was the goaltender for the national team. Or fernando torres. Or, David Villa. Or, just that whole team.

I always say, do what makes you happy. Right now, I like eating, watching movies, playing my bassoon, and being around krista and all my other friends. So, I have been doing that as much as possible lately.

I just became a fan of morgan freeman's voice. What!

In any case, I am completely tuning out my dad right now, I have sound cancelling head phones on and my music loud. I am enjoying it thouroughly.

I am going to make a bunch of lists tomorrow. Here is a list of the lists I am going to make.

1. Things to do in my life.
2. Things to do in seattle.
3. Things I want to add to my life.
4. Things I want to delete from my life.

At the risk of being compared to Ms. Myran, I think I will stop, but you get the idea. I have lists that I want to make. I'm going to sleep on it, and start tomorrow.

Have a good evening, I hope it is as enjoyable as my day was.

I wouldnt mind someone to talk to tonight, just to have something to do.

bye. and my feet are sweaty.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Mozart, Beethoven, Hummel, and Tansman


What I didnt do:

1) receive a text back from one of my closest friends.

2) after 10, come into contact with anyone Under the age of 40.

3) spend any minute of my day in any sort of comfort.

4) Have a long conversation at work as is typical on tuesdays, due to the fact that my coworker is in san diego.

What I did do:

1) played music, a lot of mozart, and not much else.

2) sweated.

3) gave advice on the master cleanse

4) saw two asian men wearing the exact same outfit, which included no shirt, and short shorts.

What I think about all that:

I am annoyed that I didnt receive a text back, as this is the second night this week that this has occured. I feel that it is better to simply state what you want to say, instead of ignoring it. My dad always harps on me about not being passive agressive, its kinda rude.

I miss nathan, I would have worked with him today.

Since I wont be pouring all of my emotions into a certain someone anymore, I need to find something new to put my emotion and passion into. that something is music. I have decided that I am going to spend at least two hours a day practicing mmy various things, which I made a list of yesterday. its quite a long list as well.

What I want more than anything, is to find someone who will love me like I love them. I want to fall asleep beneath a tree holding hands with them, I want to take a walk at midnight with them down by the lake. I want to hold them when they are scared, I want a shoulder to cry on when I am sad. I want to comfort them when they are sad. I want to watch them while they sleep.

I guess I just want someone to love.

asian men with few clothes on make me laugh.

Heat is oppressive. I wish I could jsut spend all day in the store every day, that would make me glad.

tomorrow, my dog dies. I dont know what to think about that.

have a good evening, and I hope you are freed from the chains that bind you. not anyone in particular, just whoever is reading this, I hope you are freed.

good night.

Monday, June 22, 2009

level, shakers, ciroc, belvedere, three olives, smirnoff, absolut, and three others.

I look at the stars each night, and there is always one star that stands out to me. Its a different one every night, and yet, its the same one every night. I look because I am attracted to the calmness that the stars exude, even though I know that the stars are perhaps some of the most volatile things in the universe, from here they are calm. Sometimes, I feel like I am a star.

You get what I'm trying to say.

I may seem calm, but my inner self is boiling with so many thoughts and feelings, that I dont know what to do with them. I think it would be good if I saw someone...

I am excited. I bought tickets tonight, which makes everything official. I cannot wait.

I am also excited for the musical opportunities that have presented themselves this summer. Its going to be a summer of growth and fun. I cannot wait for it to really begin.

I feel good today.

Ciao dizzle homeslice. we'll chill tomorrow.

Sunday, June 21, 2009


I basically deleted someone from my life tonight. It had to be done. I was causing to much distress. It had to be done.

I feel alone. I just want to talk to someone... and only one person stepped to the plate. so I thank you.

I just saw a waitress get clotheslined in a movie. it made me laugh inside. I'm not capable of laughing on the outside right now.

Before, I felt like I could begin anew. Now, I feel like vomiting.

I get my ACT score back in a few days... I hope I did better than bobby falde... if thats possible.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

In search of...

I look around. All around. THere are gorgeous people around. Beautiful people. Beautiful women.
I look around, and I dont see any of them. All I see is her.

I want to talk to someone right now, Ive got so many things running through my mind, and the one who I need to tell them to is not awake. no one is. poop.

Ah well.

I really want to laugh so hard I forget where I am. I forgot that I had that goal for a while. I need to get on that.

I guess I will go to sleep since I have nothing better to do.

good night.

Friday, June 19, 2009


I broke my fast yeterday morning. I'm ok with that, because it was not a good idea to fast during marching band anyways.

I almost passed out during the parade last night. It was not good.

Old country buffet absolutely disgusts me. I am never eating there. Ever. Even the salad makes me want to vomit.

Tonight is a fire. woooo.

Things that annoy me:

people not texting me back. It makes me feel like I'm not worth the time it takes to send a text.

People being angry at me.

Loud people.

my mother, at times.

my father, at times.


all those things were a part of my life in the last couple days. I hope it gets better.

In other news, I miss all the people that I havent hung out with in a while. maybe I will see them tonight.

have a good day, and dont get on my bad side. if there is such a thing.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

breaking point

I am broken. I broke.

Another time.

I am offended. I dont know how to mend this offence.

I am not home. Call me.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


I started off thinking that this was going to be an angry blog, but then I, with the help of someone else, realized that that would do no good.

and so...

Things that I am grateful for:

I am grateful for my family.

I am grateful for the life that I have.

I am grateful for the opportunities that I have.

I am grateful for the friends that I have.

I am grateful for the mindset that I have.

I am grateful for fasting.

I am grateful for clear minds.

I am grateful for good decisions.

I am grateful for the ones who love me.

I am grateful for the ones who support me in whatever I do.

I am grateful for good food.

I am grateful for you.

You are what makes me happy. And for that, I am forever in your debt.

Monday, June 15, 2009

a momentary lapse in reason.

Since the beginning of time, the year 0 shall we say, I have not missed more than 1 day of blogging. until the last week, that is. I havent blogged in a while, and while I'm sure you all missed my rambling, depressing thoughts, I dont care. I wasnt in a position to blog, so I dont care.

In any case, the past few days have been eventful. and depressing for me. The one who I love doesnt even want to be around me, my dog is gonna be put down, and, I'm not eating. but, the last one isnt sad or depressing really, I just wanted to complain about it.

actually, this cleanse hasnt been that hard. I know I was complaining about it earlier, but, I really could care less if I eat. If I didnt have to eat, I wouldnt. granted, I love food, but, I feel so much better when I dont eat.

Mr. holland gave me a back massage today. I wasnt expecting it, and didnt know who was giving it to me. my first thought was to slap whoever it was, because I hate it when people touch my back without asking, but then I didnt. and for that I am glad.

There are two people that are constantly on my mind. every single moment that I am on this planet, there are two people that exist somewhere within the depths of my conscious. right now, one doesnt want to be around me, and the other, well, she likes me.

I have to pee, but I dont want to get up.

it'll get to me eventually.

have a good sleep.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

bertha, why do you do this to me?

Today... napping, tennis, movie wathcing, and anger/sadness/frustration occured.

I was angry and frustrated with the fact that bertha at the dollar store made me write a check, instead of using plastic money like I usually do.

I was angry and frustrated with the fact that people were making obnoxiously loud noises.

I was sad that hopes harvest couldnt cheer me up.

I was sad that andrea fell asleep on me last night.

but then, I took a nap, and it all went away. I watched a movie, and then went to play some tennis.

Me and alfred are a good team. most of the time.

Why did the tomato blush?

because he saw the salad dressing.

Tomorrow will be fun. wish me luck.

good eve.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Today was enjoyable. I enjoy nathan frye. I enjoy holly. and now, I am tired.

I dont feel like I have any insights for tonight, except that it is a good thing to take a break. I took a break today, and twas good indeed. I spent time with different people. I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

I really like subway. It might be my favorite thing. I feel happy when I'm eating it.

Older women always find me "handsome." I know this because I have had two different friends tell me that their mother thinks I am handsome. plus, all the old ladies in town just come to hopes harvest to flirt with me. Its true... just ask anyone who works with me...

loud people annoy me. but, only some loud people. there are a few loud people that I can stand. you know who you are.

arrogance annoys me. I feel like I can be a bit arrogant at times... I hope I dont come off as that.

the only thing weird about today was a question someone asked me.

but, thats ok. I still enjoyed it. and I bought people subway, which made me feel nice.

indeed, I am tired. very tired.

so, I say to you, goodnight.

Monday, June 8, 2009

A title just doesnt seem fitting.

I have decided that the only music that I can always listen to is classical. No matter what time it is, where I am, what I am doing, I can always listen to classical music. Not that I dont like other music, because I do. It just seems that other music sometimes... hurts my ears when I listen to it.

In other news, I have my phone back. And I have spent all day trying to make up for lost time this weekend. Although, after spending time with certain people, I am ever more conscious of the effect the cellular telephone has on friendships... I think, if I could, I wouold toss my phone out the window. but, then I wouldnt be able to talk to some people. and that would sadden me greatly.

I spent about an hour and a half in snyders tonight. I talked with gretchen and ashley. I like them both. they make me laugh, and smile. I look forward to spending more time with both of them.

There are so many things wrrong with this culture... But, I'm not in the position to change it, so I will just do my part and contribute something good. you should too.

I dont want an Itouch, because then I know I would use it unfavorably. And I dont want to subject myself, or other people to that.

I think I need a break from somethings.

Hopefully, I will do something tonight that I havent done since thursday night.

and with that, I say to you...


Sunday, June 7, 2009

thats all I wanted.

If theres one thing I am not good at, it is asserting myself. Asserting myself in order to get what I want. But, I could care less about that. All I care about is the fact that I have other people that care about me. thats all I wanted yesterday, and today I finally got it.

That is all.

Good night.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

100 days of solitude.

this is my 100th blog. A while back I looked through all my blogs, and I realized that the problems I faced at the beginning of my blogging career are the same as right now. Just in different forms. This leads me to believe that The problems we have are not really problems at all. they are just things that take us away from the life that we need to live, and that we put them there. other people do not cause our problems. We cause our own problems because we want them.

I would much rather just realize that I cant have everything I want, and that everything will work out. But, its too hard.

On the other hand... I feel like there is not as much love in my universe as there once was...

I also feel sad... for I would think that contacting someone every day for several months, and them telling you that they enjoy talking with you would make them want to contact you. but, that is not the case. Oh well.

My dad has never returned. I think he was on a date. cool.

I want to play music for a living. I have decided that.

I hope krista finds her check...


Friday, June 5, 2009

she was very nice...

just so you all know, the lady who helped me on the phone was very nice. her name was lisa, and I think I love her.


A bird might poop on you...

I am in the process of putting an insurance claim on my phone. It is frustrating me greatly. I typed in my adress, and it decided that it wasnt good enough. So, now I have to call them. Anger.

So, if you want to contact me, you wont be able to. Not for the next couple of days at least.

It will be good for me I think. I wont be talking to that someone who I usually talk to. but, thats ok. I will find out if they really care for me.

Tomorrow should be busy. very busy.

The first step to solving your problems is realizing that you have none.

I'm gonna go deal with that phone thing right now.

adieu, madamoiselle.

adieu, monsieur.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

battery low.

I need to recharge my batteries. I am burnt out on some things. I am burnt out on my mother, I am burnt out of not sleeping in.

I am burnt out on my phone being stupid.

I am burnt out on not seeing katie.

I am burnt out on constantly thinking that people dont like me. because I know thats not true.

I am burnt out on annoyance.

I am burnt out on not having someone to hold.

I am burnt out on not speaking my mind.

I am burnt out on not being myself.

I am burnt out on one person in particular and dont worry, its none of you who read this.

and, I am ready to be plugged in for the night.

good eve.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I love you all

I love andrea, I love bessie, not tara though.

I love marching band. I have always loved it, and putting in the hard work just makes it all the better.

I love my friends. I have always loved them, they bring my spirits up when I am sad, and make me happier when I am glad.

I love playing tennis with old men. Especially when reall good ones tell me they're "never going to hit it to your fuckin forehand again." it made me glad. like I actually did something good.

I love the people that I am surrounded by. They make me feel like a real person, rahter than some puppet-thing that walks around and does nothing for himself.

I love my mother. even though she is embarrassing.

I love you andrea, I love you bessie.

I love you all.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


what is necessary.. is never unwise.

I took a ride today, I took a few naps, I saw star trek, I gathered insights, and I listen to girls talk. what a productive, yet relaxing day.

After laying on my bed for an hour, I decided that it was not in my best interest to be there, so I decided to ride my bike. I wont say my real motivation, but I went. I biked up a huge hill, and then decided on my way back that I would stop by my favorite beach. I ended up throwing rocks, and falling asleep. it was nice.

while I was tossing rocks into the lake, I noticed something. I noticed that the ease of which you go somewhere is dependant on the route you take. The rocks that I tried to skip went forward a little bit through the water, and then dropped, while the rocks that I threw up, simply went straight to the bottom. Now, at the time, I was very distraught over a situation that I thought was occurring. and so, I decided to apply my thoughts, and took a different angle. it worked. I became less stressed, and everything worked out fine. I felt proud of myself for that.

I also fasted today. Dont call me unhealthy, I just want to better myself.

once again, spunky old ladies make me happy. and some children are so much like their parents, its uncanny. have a grand old evening.

Monday, June 1, 2009


garr... everything seems pirate like today. I changed my facebook language to pirate speak, I watched a movie with a pirate in it, and there were even references to pirates at din din.

in any case... nosh us a yiddish word meaning "to eat, or to snack." it is also my second favorite restaraunt of all time. and most definately my favorite here in lake city.

I will be a rcih person one day, and be able to afford ging there twice a week. I will sit at the bar, and drink martinis, and wine, and talk to ankur. he may or may not like me, but that is ok. oh and by the way, this fictional world that I am creating does not exist in lake shitty. but in fact, some other big city. like new york.

I also realized that i really like taking showers. and that I dont like getting up early, and that there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. I realized that sometimes, you need to take a break, and everything will turn out fine in the end.

I like spunky old ladies. they make me happy.

have a good evening.