wow.

Today has been a day that I might remember for a long time. I know there are many things that I did that have a lot of meaning, and I know that I will remember them for some time, but I dont know that I will remember the day as a whole.

things that are annoying: school.

Things that are weird: casinos. I had fun, but I just got this weird vibe from everything about it. How I felt, how you wouldnt know if one hour had passed, or 7, how everyone else acted, how the security guard looked at me, how some of the slot machines were very oddly named, and how little time it took me to lose all the money I brought.

Things that are gross: burger king. late at night. I did get a pissed off whopper though. it was so pissed off that it leaked on my hands.

Things that are sad: saying goodbye to your best friend. I know that shes only going an hour away, but still, thats an hour away from me. It's ok though, because we are beginning the rest of our lives, and we cant keep on doing the same thing. I just have to wait one more year. ah well, que sad for me, but que happy for her and everyone else. I'm sure they will enjoy themselves, and I will join in sometime soon.

Good night, I must go read about music theory.

just keep in mind that I will always love you.

Theater of the opressed

I have little to say tonight. I have a feeling I will have much more to say tomorrow night.

I will say this though, I am very glad for people you can talk to late at night. last night was very sad for me, and I'm glad that I had someone I could talk to. Even if just for the sixteen minutes and thirty seconds that it was.

I will also say this. today was the last day of work with krista. que triste. my heart cries a little right now.

tomorrow is a goodbye. even though she is only going an hour away, I know that things will change. it wont be the same after this week. but, I'm ok with that. and if I wasnt ok with that, I would be an idiot, and an asshole. but what I wrote on the board at work will always stay true. no matter what.

Even though many things may change, those who love you will always stay the same.

Good night.

M.C. Escher

THere are so many things running through my brain right now that I cant really put anything down. So, heres what I'll do. I'll make a list of things that I'm thinking about.

Krista
departure
ana
the fact that people only reach out when something bad happens
facebook
beginnings
endings
thats what she said jokes
cold
love
liz
bassoon
college
hate
M.C. Escher
will ferrel
maggie gyllenhaal
emma thompson
dustin hoffman
mozart
cookies
The fact that I never say no.

there. I hope you were all enthralled by that. I'm going to sleep.

I have decided that I like the way I live my life, and I dont need to fuck myself up to have fun.

just remember that I love you.

Isnt it great to be living?

god damn hand cannon

IT really doesnt matter what you do. you could grow 6 chins, have one eye, and yell at me like a mother yells at oncoming traffic (you little shit!). I wouldnt care. I would still think the "the sun shines out your butt."

I can give you a list of the foods I ate today.

two eggs, over something.
one order of deep fried pickles
one big fat bacon on a stick
one spamburger
one honey stick
one snow cone
one honey ice cream cone
one corndog
several of aunt marthas chocolate chip cookies
one small banana cream pie blizzard with chocolate ice cream

the heartburn that I have is not radiating in my kneecaps, but it is quite heartburn like. which means that it hurts.

I had quite the dream last night. Should I explain it to you? sure.

so, Im walking. and i see this girl, I like her, and i consider her my friend, but not like this. she comes up to me and says "I really like you" and practically eats my face off. and by that I mean we begin to make out. now, this isnt the part that I care about. what I care about is that in the background of the entire dream, lies the female I havent stopped thinking about since february. wearing the same outfit she wore in my dream the night before. and doing the same thing. just lurking. like shes waiting for something.

I wonder what shes waiting for.

well, thats all I have for you tonight.

remember to let her into your heart. then you can begin to make it better.

I love you.

whirlpool

I feel myself being sucked into a stressfull next couple of months. I'm trying to hold myself back, but I have a feeling that it is inevitable what is going to happen.

I just wish I could say, everything will turn out ok, and then it would.

I came to realize today that my soulmate might actually be admiral akbar.

someone told me I'm a terrible singer and that I should whistle. in addition to hurting me, and making me very angry, that also made me sing more and louder than before. I hope you're happy, woman.

I love making people laugh.

I was inspired to do this all poetic like, but then I was like, nope. thats not my style.

congratulations krista, you got a random blogger friend.

have so much fun and love and laughter that you forget how to open the fridge. then you will be happy.

demian

good eve, its been a long while since weve last shared thoughts. I'm glad we dont have to wait any longer.

Because my brain is so tired, I feel like words wont be able to flow from me as they usually do. And thats ok. I will just give a brief description of everything thats on my mind.

I'm quite glad to be back from my trip. I had tons of fun, but it is quite good to be alone. and I'm extremely glad to be sleeping in my bed.

School starts in less than a week, I have much to do to prepare. well, not really. I'm just going to act like I do so I can feel more important when school actually starts.

I have words I need to speak, but lack the courage to give them a voice.

I will be sad when my favorites leave for la universidad. que triste.

I need to write a letter so I can test out of economics.

I need to practice my bassoon so I can get a good scholarship.

I need katie to arrive soon.

other than those to things, I have many things that I want. but few things that I actually need. so, I shall go on living my life as I have, and await what challenges may arise.

Thank you.

you are, so beautiful, and I love you forever and always.

To change a life

I have been a part of the two most amazing things this month. The first was the all state band, which was amazing, and then there was the flaming lips concert that I just returned from. Fucking amazing. life changing, to say the least.

I also bought a shirt that says "mcshit" I have received lots of compliments.

I get to see a badass movie tomorrow. I'm fricken excited.

I will put more meaning into my blog when I am in a more private place.

I love you, and I love love.

ITS A TRAP!

I have seen two excelent movies in the last two nights, and I recommend that you see both of them. the two movies are 500 days of summer, and district 9. Just thought I would let you know that.

also, one of my favorite songs ever is playing in the background.

also, it makes me angry when I am told that I dont believe in things.

I would do anything for you.

Last night was tons o fun.

I love hermann hesse, I love the themes that he writes. probly because I find myself going along the same path of his characters. I also think he writes very beautifully.

I also love love. it cures all wounds, and passes all troubles away.

thank you.

two hours

Two hours isn't a long time. infinitesimal, really, in the grand scheme of things. Yet, it is still enough time to get your point across in a movie. It is also the time difference between Seattle and lake city.

I'm so glad I'm here, and not back home. If I was home, I would be having fun, but I wouldn't be having this much fun.

fun fun fun fun fun.

last night I overheard lots of different languages, and accents. I will hear many more for the next few days. its so exciting, I love it. love it love it love it.

just like I love a combination between summer finn, and sam. both fictional characters, but if they were real people, I would be in love with them.

whatever. I'm having fun, now isnt the time to think about that.

tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm so excited for it, I can hardly contain myself. Although, as is usually the case, if you were near me, you wouldnt be able to tell.

I'm going to meditate tonight. maybe that will clear my mind of what it needs to be cleared of.

My mother annoys me quite a bit sometimes. But, its understandable, she is my mother.

Maybe I should become a buddhist. I'm tired of wanting.

emotions.

I just want to throw something through a wall right now.

I'm thinking of changing my title

I feel like change needs to occur in the title department of my blog.

These are the things that I am a fan of recently:

ham.

jamie cullum.

mitch hedberg.

laughing at other peoples misfortunes, as long as I dont know them.

listening to music.

performing.

playing music in incredibly good ensembles.

making other people laugh.

comforting other people.

the list is longer, but I feel like you'll quite reading if I put more on there.

I'm ridiculously excited for saturday, ridiculously sad for ana, and feel ridiculously awkward at physicals.

in my opinion, giant zucchini do not remind me of horse penises.

perseid

Every year on my birthday, lots of things occur. like, for instance, my birthday. it is celebrated. also, a meteor shower happens on my birthday. The perseid meteor shower to be exact. I think its special that I was born during it. like the universe is giving me a present. or its trying to tell me something.

I'm going on what some would call a vision quest in a few days. I am very excited.

I'm in love, but not with you, with you.

Sometimes its extremely hard to say what needs to be said. I know that eventually I will have the courage, but not at the moment.

Whenever I look into the future, which I dont do very often, because its against what I'm about, I see two possibilities for myself. One, is living in new york with a certain someone, playing bassoon, and having beautiful children. the other is travelling the world with another someone. and simply doing that. just travelling.

Ive always felt that it might turn into something more eventually.

I miss katie a ridiculous amount.

I didnt think it was awkward...

You call it god, my parents call it the universe, I call it love.

I love you.

live. laugh. love.

MY life is not average. Just sayin. Although I think that website is hilarious, My life is no where near average. In fact, No one who is associated with me is anywhere near average. That is one of the unspoken conditions of knowing me.

reasons why my life is not average:

Two weeks ago, I pulled out a long grey hair from the middle of my forehead. last week I spent making college or proffessional level music with a bunch of juniors and sophomores in high school. next week I will be in seattle with two of my closest friends. I work in an organic foods store. I play the bassoon.

Does any of that sound average?

I'm not sure how I feel about a few things, and a for a few others, my feelings are abundantly clear.

I played music at my grandfathers memorial service today, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I didnt think I was going to be that emotional, but the tears just kept flowing. That is not normal for me. I'm not used to that.

I spent the entire last week amongst the best musicians in the state. Some were freakishly good. The music that we created together was nothing short of amazing, and has inspired me to want to suround myself with such talent later on in life.

On tuesday, I will be able to vote, smoke, gamble, and buy alchohol in wisconsin. Oh, and able to go into the service. how ridiculous.

When I die, what will I be remembered as?

There are several people who I miss a ridiculous amount, one in paricular. I have no idea what the hell I am going to do without her.

I'm thinking about the University of Kansas.

The only happiness you keep is the happiness you give away.

Thoughts on the peace pilgrim

maybe I had it all wrong:

when we think we possess people there's a tendancy to run their lives for them, and out of this develops an extremely inharmonious situation.

Then again, maybe I had it right:

since this is the only moment that one can live, if you dont live it you never really get around to living at all.

I think I got it right:

As soon as you begin working for the good of the whole, you fund yourself in harmony with all of your fellow human beings.


-the peace pilgrim


I agree with all three statements, although I needed help to realize the first one.

Today, I pulled a long grey hair out of the middle of my forehead. It made me feel like an incredibly old man. I'm not sure if my life is average.

I bought a bus ticket tonight. I will be turning 18 on a bus. I bet you wish that was the case for you.

on the other hand, your an idiot.

i'm sorry, someone once told me about a blog that he read that had the previous phrase in it. It made me laugh, and had jsut popped into my head.

This is the first day of the best month of my life. I have already decided that its the best month of my life, and there is nothing that anyone can do that will make it otherwhise.

I really wish I had a surprise party thrown for me. thats never been the case. I dont think it will this year, but still. I guess it doesnt make any sense to wish for a surprise party, that would be silly, because its selfish, and then it wouldnt be a surprise. Just so you know, I have removed that idea from my head.

My eyes hurt.

I love blogging, I can talk about myself, and its ok.

I probably have more to say, but I cant think of it right now.

before the tongue can speak, it must have lost the pwer to wound.

good night. and always remember that I love you.