Thursday, October 29, 2009

Who is left for me?

I look around, and theres just a bunch of people. Some walking hand in hand, some hunched over, reading a book, and some just blabbering away to whomever has the unfortunate task of listening to them. I see all these people, and I wonder where I belong. I'm really not sure. I suppose only time will tell.

I'm pretty sure I have been told all the right things regarding music. Now I just have to listen to them.

Its hard to remember a time when Ive been more excited for something. But I just cant wait for college.

In the mean time, a certain thing happened to me this weekend. Now the one person that has been constantly on my mind since... february, is no longer allowed to be there. I guess Ill have to find someone else. Maybe tomorrow night will tell.

have lots of fun in your future. DOnt do drugs.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

master of the house.

Heres what I think. I Think that my decisions should be my decisions. Regardless of the magnitude of those decisions.

I'm in love.

Just like always.

Darn gorillas.

I really cant wait to be in a good ensemble. It will make my life. I'm so excited for college.


sorry for the lack of cohesiveness, I'm in a weird mood. but I cant wait to see my other half. :)

Sunday, October 18, 2009


One thing that I really love, is you. You make me so happy. I thank you for reading this, because it makes me feel like I am worth something. I know thats ridiculously back asswards, but I dont really care. Until I figure out how to make myself happy, I'm going to rely on others opinions of me.

I love how you tell me I'm sweet. I love how you will always hang out with me when I'm in need. I love how you send me random text messages. I love how you always have a smile for me. I love how I can tell you anything. I love how you love me, and I love you.

I love you all.

I remember when I was real, when I didnt succumb to everything. I didnt have many friends then. I'm fake now, but at least I have friends.

Was it worth it?

What can make me feel like a real person again? Who? How?

In the meantime, I'm going to sleep. Wake me up when its real.

Saturday, October 17, 2009


The time is now. There is no other time, and there will never be any other time. I hope you can realize that.

I think I'm going to get a tattoo. Ive always wantd one. That way I can be one of those really cool artists with dreadlocks, and a badass tattoo, and eat breakfast at the hard times cafe, and be in the may day parade, and make fun of conservatives, and be a liberal, and have people think I'm really smart.

That happens to everyone when they get a tattoo.

I dreamed you loved me. It was magnificent. Then I woke, and everything returned to normal.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I'm not a real person.

I have decided that although I say I'm different, and although I say I think differently than others, I am no different than the rest of this messed up society.

maybe this realization makes me different.


in other news, on sunday night, I had thoughts that I have never had before. thoughts that scared me, and prompted me to turn around and return to my house. Thoughts that shouldnt have occured, but they did.

I'm tired of feeling like an inadequate person.

I wanna feel like a real person.

Friday, October 9, 2009

The master plan.

Yesterday, at approimately four o clock, central standard time, I sent into motion my master plan. Today, it should be in its final stages, with one of two outcomes waiting for me. Acceptance, or rejection. I pray for the former. But, would not be surprised one bit if the latter were to come at me with the fury of a thousand suns.

Ah well, such is life.

I hope you have a fantabulous evening. Wish for the former for me. I approve of acceptance.

I must go and toot my horn now.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


I wish I could muster up the courage to say what I really want to say. Sometimes I feel like I can, but then I think about what could happen if the wrong answer were to spring forth. I cant have that.

I realize that I have basically completely forgotten about someone who has been on my mind constantly, until aobut 4 weeks ago. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Whatever, I guess they brought it on themselves, and are no worse off because of it.

I often wonder about whether or not I am a good person. I was reassured last night, but I still wonder. I wonder if the people who ive done bad things to think I'm a good person. I wonder if the people who have never talked to me in their life think I'm a good person.

I guess it doesnt really matter what they think, I should be listening to myself, rather than them.

I hope my wish comes true. I hope yours does too.

I leave you with a quote.

"A single event can awaken a stranger totally unknown to us. To be alive is to be slowly born." - antoine de saint exupery.

I must get back to class.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

last night

Of all the ridiculous things... WHy do I have to be in the position that I doubt everything I have ever known. I hope you're happy "random blogger friend" you and your deception have captured my mind.

I suppose it was to make me think about ignorance, and other such things.

I think its better to remain ignorant, then we dont have to doubt everything.

I'm going to sleep. wake me up when its real.