Monday, November 30, 2009

where am I?

I dont know where I am. I feel like I'm in the right place, and then something comes and pushes me over.

I dont like it when people dont like me. It is my least favorite thing ever.

here, this is how I try to live.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I do it all for others

You know, my mommy really annoys me sometimes, and others... she does not.

I dont really know what to do anymore.

I could ask again, as I never really got an answer. Then again, I could not ask again.

even my dad has a date...

Friday, November 27, 2009

The way it is.

I cant be gay, because I dont like shopping. Thats all there is to it. It's just the way it is. plus I like people of the feminine gender that dont have penises. just sayin is all.

In the mean time... Here is what I strive for.

I strive to be the best person that I can be, no matter where I am. And in the end, the result wont matter. because everything will have worked itself out. Thats all that can happen.

In the mean time, I'm super lonely. I wouldnt mind having someone to hold, and call my own. Just sayin is all.

Also, my tummy hurts like none other, and I need to go to sleep. so, I will see y'all later.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


lonely, I'm so lonely.

blah blah blah blah blah.

who cares if I'm lonely or not.

In any case... Try not to let the things that you cant change stress you out. it does no good.

You are a panda jerk.

I'm just kidding, I love you like theres no tomorrow.

good night.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Badoop ba badoop ba badoop bop

I'm gonna be super good at whatever I do.

I do not feel odd typing my feelings into this box. This box will listen to whatever I have to say. It wont judge, and It wont call me names, and it wont make me feel weird. plus, I cant find my journal. so, this box will have to do.

I'm tired of the word awkward. Its dumb, and its a mindset that I dont like at all. Things are only awkward if you say that they are awkward. This is all I have to say about this matter.

rejected again today.

I wrote on the board the other day. it said: YOU CAN.

I dont know if I can.

Sunday, November 22, 2009


I'm quite fashionable.

I was walking, and I realized... no wait. I didnt realize anything, because I was so damn tired.

Its been a really long day, and I cant wait for it to be done with. I just want to go to sleep.

ah well, I must derive before I can sleep. Oh wait. I cant derive tired, thats dangerous. I guess I better wait to do that then.

good night, I love you.

Saturday, November 21, 2009


Good afternoon everyone.

I was thinking, if I could make a list of everything I could ask for in a woman, I think only one person (at the moment), would have every one of those qualities.

I need someone who can make me laugh. I need someone who I can make laugh. I need someone who doesnt care what others think of her. I need someone who has a lot in common with me. I need someone who can write. I need someone who likes me for me. I need someone who is crazy. I need someone who is calm. I need someone who knows how to treat other human beings. I need someone who wants change. I need someone who knows who they are. I guess most of all I need you.

Dont be a tinkledork. Show yourself!

I leave for a birthday party, but first I must finish my present.

goodbye everyone, I shall see you in a little while.

Friday, November 20, 2009


Hi, this is the new me speaking.

I just thought you should know that in order to accomodate the changes that I made in my personal life yesterday, I changed my blog around and added some new music. I hope you enjoy it.

I dont really have any great insights, except that I want college to be here. And I also wish I could play trombone a thousand times better than I do.

My eyes hurt.

I need somebody to love.

Sometimes the music comes to me. When it does, I am happy.

Sometimes, I feel wanted.

I always love you.

Happy birthday best friend. I love you more than words can say.

Good night.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


I checked out my favorite book from the library again. I love this book so much. Its practically my bible.

Today, I realize that I want to play music for sure for the rest of my life. Its the only thing that will make me happy. I also realize that I'm tired of being alone. Its like that song by neil young...

"I need someone to love me the whole day through..."

I'm tired of not having that...

In any case, I must go to sleep, as I spent the wee hours of this morning watching the skies for meteors. It was quite amazing, but now it is time for me to go to sleep.

I wonder why she can tell me she loves me one night, and not any other night. It makes me quite sad. Its as if she knows what I want, and purposely is denying it to me.

goodnight. I love you.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

the chain rule

The chain rule states that you must work from the outside in. I really dont know anything else. It all goes over my head.

Tonight, I feel angry. I want to stop feeling angry. It just doesnt work I guess.

Tonight, I want love.

My eyes hurt.

I'm really excited for this weekend, and I have concluded that there is nothing that will stop me from having a blast.

I want nothing more than to be able to hold your hand and have it mean something more than I'm holding your hand. If I could have that, if even for a split second, I would be the happiest boy on the planet. I like it when things have meaning.

In this very instant, I wish I could make you happy.

Remember that I love you more than anything.


Saturday, November 7, 2009

I'm back

I cant deny it. I guess its just the way it works. I'm back to the way things were a couple months ago. I hope things turn out differently.

at the beginning of the evening, they were both on equal levels. at the end of the night, the balance shifted all the way to the darker side. I'm ok with that. because the lighter side went somewhere else.

goodnight. I cant wait for lots of things.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

thoughts on an honorable topic. Honor.

I am honored. But wait. What does that mean? To be honored. to have honor? The dictionary holds many thoughts on the matter, but I do not believe what Merriam Webster thinks is indicative of what honor truly means. The best meanings come from the human beings experience what these words mean. In my experience, a person with honor has several qualities that set him or her apart from everyone else.

A person with Honor has integrity. What does integrity mean, you ask? Integrity is the ability to stay true to yourself, no matter what is going on. Whether it be on a test, and keeping your answer, even when you see another answer on another paper that may be a titch better, or following through with something, even though you may not want to, or it may not benefit you in the moment. Integrity means being accountable for your actions. It means not allowing others to do the work for you. When you let others do your work, you are letting yourself down. It does not mean being perfect, it simply means doing the work, admitting your mistakes, and learning from them. Integrity is showing the world that you are a complete person, and that you have the ability to honor yourself.

While integrity is something that I believe is a defining characteristic of honor, I believe that there are other things to help define it.

The ability to go through the day without boasting your accomplishments is something that few have the ability to do, but it is one of the most honorable things one can achieve. I believe that humility is another one of the Describing characteristics of honor. To be Humble is to have no ego, for the ego clouds the mind, and does not show everyone the real person that you are. It takes away from a person’s integrity. It allows you to be influenced by what others think of you. Humility takes the ego out of the equation, without removing your spirit.

The last thing a person with honor has is the ability to do the right thing. Not simply the ability to do the right thing, but to do the right thing for the right reasons. Doing it because you know you will be rewarded is not the right reason. Doing it because other people told you to is not the right reason. To me, the right reason is this: it is the right thing to do. That seems reason enough to me. If someone asks you for help with a project, isn’t it logical that you help them? It seems that way to me. I believe that if you do the right thing simply to do the right thing, you have begun to have honor in your actions.

As you go about your business as human beings, I encourage all of you to keep a few things in mind. Remember that if you are humble, you may not gain the recognition from others that you seek, but you do gain the respect of others. Remember that the ego is perhaps not always the best thing to have around. Remember that If you are true to yourself, if you keep your integrity if you don’t let your ego get in your way, if you have humility in all that you do, you will have no limits as to how far you can go. It is as one of my teachers once told me “The second you try to be better than someone else is the second you have placed a limitation upon yourself”

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Blonde, blue eyes.

I think those are the qualities that you must have if you want to be my best friend. luckily, my best friends have these qualities. Thank goodness for that.

I feel... Joyous tonight. I guess its just the music.

I would tell you all that I am feeling tonight, but I dont want to. I'm just going to say that I feel better than I have in a long time. It most definately is the music.

I'm in love with best friend.

I'm in love with my best friend.

Good night.