Wednesday, September 30, 2009


I will forget today. Today has had many things happen that I would like to forget.

I am not sad. It is not right to be sad. Granted, I'm not happy... but I cant allow myself to be sad.

Death is a celebration of life. I'm not willing to be sad, just because everyone else is. The dead dont want sadness. The dead want rejoicing.

And so, I will rejoice in the fact that I was fortunate enough to grow as a person from knowing you. I will rejoice in the fact that the world was a better place with you in it. I will rejoice in the fact that other people grew as people from knowing you. And I will rejoice in the fact that you are the epitome of love.

Thank you. and I love you.

Friday, September 25, 2009

the most beautiful

I love today.

I love her, but I also love you.

Its as if every part of my body freezes up.

I havent laughed as hard as I did tonight in a long time. I'm so glad I went, and I think I have found my new best friends. maybe something more?

I'm going to sleep soon.

I really miss you, and I want to talk with you.


Friday, September 18, 2009

I'm quite tired tonight.

I'm quite tired tonight, But I would rather not succumb to the power of sleep.

I dont even think megan fox is that attractive. But as I realized this week, I have a specific design that is in my brain, and it doesnt include her.
It more includes her... thats ana ivanovic, and shes the second most beautiful woman in the world. Shes one of the two people that I am truly and madly in love with on this earth.
I prefer reality. Just, sometimes reality hurts.
I'm going to sleep now, please dont die, or succumb to the succubus that is ann coulter. You wont survive.
Good night.

Sunday, September 13, 2009


Insight exceeds my grasp tonight. I feel as though it is tapping on my shoulder, but every time I look to grab it, it jumps in front of me. tantalizingly close, yet agonizingly far away.

I feel a lot better than two nights ago.

tomorrow should be fun, hopefully I like it there. I'm kind of excited :)

Today was a great day at work, I loved every second of it.

I feel happyish.

Friday, September 11, 2009


I used to get angry, now I just get sad.

I really wish I had someone to sit next to right now, just to hold, or for them to hold me. Thats all I want.

I'm tired of Want. I dislike it, it causes suffering.

I'm going to write a story right now. It will be a masterpiece.

Goodnight. I definately cant tell you I love you tonight. Just not possible.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Looks arent everything.

I hate that looks are everything.

My eyes hurt.

I want to hold someone in my arms, I dont care who. Just as long as they can look into my eyes, and I can look into their eyes, and we will both see the other in them.

I'm tired, so I will go to bed soon.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


For as long as I can remember, Ive thought that I was a good person. Now I realize I'm just a person. I may be a person that can do good things, but I'm still simply a person. I am a person that is capable of unconditionally loving someone, but also hating someone with a burning passion. I dont believe I can be labeled as a good person if I am capable of both of those things at the same time. Therefore no one can be considered a good person, or a bad person because we are all capable of that.

I told the lake my deepest most inner thoughts. It responded by sending fish flying at me. I felt like it was giving me its response.

I have people to do, places to see, and people to be.

good night. I dont think I can tell you I love you tonight... I'm sorry.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Golden child

I came to the conclusion tonight that I love her. When I'm with her, it's as if all other things go away, and the only thing that I am is happy. The only thing that I want out of this life is to make her feel as happy as I feel when I'm around her.

If ginger is similar to alchohol, I will be a drunk in no time. I had 10 shots of fresh ginger today, and I could have had a lot more. It was so intense.

I also had a ton of coffee, and am still wired. Thats enough about that.

I love her.

Sunday, September 6, 2009


I cannot judge anothers shadow unless I am judging my own.

I should really start to adhere by that, I think I will become a better person if I do that.

I am addicted to something, and I really cant let it go. As my much as I would like to, I just cant.

I have not much else to say, except that I love you.

Friday, September 4, 2009

The moon.

For all intensive purposes, this has been the worst day in a long time. But, I am trying not to think of that, and think of only the good things that happened today. I think thats a fairly good thing to try and do, don't you?

So, some good things that happened today.

1. I received the CD of the concert from All-state band, and listened to it 7 times. I thouroughly enjoyed every second of it.

2. I was told that I make Harold happy with my music. That makes me extremely happy, because I love harold.

3. I began to learn a new piece of music, and made very good progress on it. Also, it is a very beautiful piece of music.

4. I made a lot of dollars in tips, so that was good.

5. I had the chance to just sit alone in the park and think for a while, it was very nice.

6. I realized that sometimes making fun of people can go too far.

7. I realized that I have the power to control my own emotions and feelings.

8. I talked to krista for a little while, which is always good.

9. I had a nice and balanced dinner.

10. I had delicious apple crisp that my dad made for me.

11. I will be receiving a free CD pretty soon. I like it.

12. I realized that I love you.

there, I feel a lot better about myself now.

good night.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

counterpoint, baroque and rennaissance.

What if my blog wass just words like hate, destruction, spit, stop, no, ugly, anger, despair, and the like? Would you still read it? Would you still like me?

I applied for my first college tonight. Yay.

I feel like I'm not ready to deal with everything that goes with being an adult. but whatevs, I can handle it, I am 18 after all.

I feel like the moon and the stars know something that I dont. And that may be why I like to look at them so much. So that I can find out what they posess.

I feel like mathematics is a language I will never understand, but I am going to keep on plowing right through it, because it keeps the brain limber.

I feel like using psychology as a way to control people is all our culture has become, and that its a sick and twisted thing to do.

I feel like I shouldnt hate as many people as I do, but I also feel like I'm obligated to because of some of the things that they do.

I feel tired.

I feel love.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

the munsters

My dad told me I looked like eddie munster this morning. just so you know, the munsters is a sitcom like the addams family. it ran in the early 70's. and according to my dad, "nothing beats the munsters"

that was just for your information.

I like the internet, I meet awesome people there.

I also dont like the internet, because it makes my spelling and grammar bad.

my feet are cold.

my eyes hurt.

my room is messy.

but I am alive, so those four complaints are negated.

my self esteem quivers sometimes.

I miss krista.

I love you, and all that you are.

good night.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I'm tired

I feel like this watch that I have on my wrist will give me good luck in whatever I do. That is why I am not relinquish it to my dad.

No, this watch was not hidden up some army captains ass for 3 years, but it did belong to my grandfather, who is now dead. I feel like I carry a piece of him on my wrist. So, if you ever see me talking to my hand, its because I probly have a disorder. you should look for help for me.

I'm really tired, but all the teams that I wanted to win, won. so yay.

I hope you are well. and I love you still.

good night.