interesting.

My thoughts and life are interesting. so there.

Sometimes I wonder if that is the case, bbbut then I realize that just the fact that I exist is interesting. Just the fact that anyone exists is interesting. SO DON'T CALL ANYONE BORING!

I feel crushed

I feel crushed. Not by a large block of wood or anything, because then I would definitely have better things to do than write a blog post about how I feel. especially since I haven't even looked at this blog in a while. In any case, I feel crushed. My spirit, my way of living, my thoughts, my brain, my body, my life, my everything. They are all crushed. Crushed into dust.

I can't wait to go home.

In other news, I'm still in love, and my life is still on the right track. as long as I can be transported from this life sucking place.

good night.

I was thinking yesterday

I was thinking yesterday that I wanted to quit everything that I do. Then I realized today that yesterday I was an idiot.

Things that I do

I do what I love

I talk to my love

I play my instrument

I think about things

I try to make the world a better place

I love most everyone, but some more than others, and one a lot more than everyone else

I listen to music

I play music

I drink tea

I sing loudly in public places

I eat lots of food

I laugh

I make others laugh

I spread joy

I love.

new... nose?

Hey everyone.

Its been a while, but I would just like to say, that I have now entered a place where there is no turning back. Life is now out to get me, and I'm gonna grab it by the nuts, and it will bow before me.

There. Thats whats gonna happen in the next 4 years.

this is the end

this is the end. my only friend the end.

I'm in love. I couldnt leave her if I tried.

youre my angel, you know youll always be.

Peace+Love

Hmmm... Well, Heres what I have to say:

I love all those who are in my life. Even the ones who I profess to hate, I love them for being in my life.

but here are the people I love most.

AH!: I love her because she IS peace. When I'm around her she makes me calm. Not to mention she makes me laugh all the time.I love that she doesnt judge me. I love that we are the same person, minus a few differences. I love her writing. even though it makes me jealous, because its so awesome. I love that shes always there to talk to me. even in the early morning. I love that she wants to be with me, and I love that I want to be with her. I love that she can find the best in everyone. Theres more, but I'm tired.

AG!: I love her because I can be myself around her. I love her because she would do anything for me. and I love her because I would do anything for her.

AK!: I love him because we have the same funnybone. Its like we have a brain that reaches across wherever we are, and allows us to find the same funny things. I love him because he was my first friend in a new place.

These are the people that I love the most. And although there are three of them, I think there is absolutely no question to who my bestest friend is. even though Ive only known her a short time, I know that we shall know eachother for the rest of our lives, and always be there for eachother.


I am love, and she is peace. we are happiness. if that makes sense.

AS far as everyone else, who doesnt make this blog, Know that I still love you, because it would be so silly if I didnt. compassion.

Gaga

I watched glee tonight, and the sound cut out at the most intense part. I was sooooo upset. I literally almost cried. That was the first time I almost cried tonight.

the next two times were later in that episode, and the last has been for the last 10 minutes.

I want nothing more than for someone to be making breakfast for me in the morning when I get out of the shower. I want them to be making breakfast, and telling me that I'm going to do awesome.

I also want to stop with the damn complaining.

tomorrow will go great, with or without a parental figure there to support me.

goodnight everyone.

this is me.

Today, I realize that I am only the music. I am only what I allow to shine through. I am not the praise that I get, I am not the criticism that I get. I am what is inside me. Me is the music, me is my friends who love me for who I am. Me is what makes my innermost thoughts. Me is what makes me happy.

I spend all my time thinking about being in a relationship. Bah! this is not good, this is not who I am. I dont need someone to make me happy, I should be enough for myself. and when my other half comes along, well be able to survive, together, and separate. Thats what I need.

I hope you are out there somewhere. Maybe Ive already met you, and we just dont know it yet.

p.s. if theres anyone who actually reads this, You are a super cool person. because you know me.

This is not me.

I really dont know how to feel about my life recently.

There are a few people that I value above all others, and it seems that one of them is tossing me aside. I dont think they realize it, but I do.

LISTEN TO ME!

aah.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





thats me screaming.

Two exciting things.

There are two exciting things that are occuring right now. One is that I am in florida, and it is beautiful. I care not that I look like rudolph, and that once I shave, I will have a ridiculous burnline. But you know, that is ok, because I am in florida, with people that I love.

The second thing is, that I am going to europe this summer! with the sound of america Honor Band and chorus. Its a band made of the finest (and richest) high school musicians in the country. Unfortunately, I am not one of the richest high school musicians in the country, so I will have to do a bit of fundraising. but thats ok, I can deal.

Well, the beach is calling me, so, I will see you all later :)

I'm tired

I have decided that among many other things, I am worth only as much as I allow myself to be. So, if you dont like me, which I know you will, Then you can go suck it. There, I said it. You can go suck it.

How liberating it feels to say that.

Anyways, the reason I bring this up, is because I did not get accepted to the degree program that I wanted to get into at one of the schools that I applied to. Not that I woould want to go to that school anyways, I just feel that I am worth more then that. A lot more then that. Oh well, I dont like that hoitie toitie attitude that that school of music has anyways.

Hoitie toitie. haha.

In any case, I cant play tennis with kevin tonight. Oh no! :( que triste...

I also have a solo tomorrow night at the band concert, so if you would like to come watch me, I would greatly appreciate you doing that for me.

I wish I had asian people commenting on my blog telling me we could go do yoga together sometime.

I'm going to the bathroom now.

Remember when we were in africa?

Wild child, full of grace, savior of the human race.

I remember when that was my favorite song. I rememberr lots of things, like how strong relationships used to be, and how much I liked some people. Now I dont even talk to some of those people anymore, and I spend hours upon hours being with other people. How strange.

In any case, Remember when I was all in a huff about someone? Well, its her birthday today. I'm really not sure what to do about that. I wished her a happy birthday, and I think thats all I'm going to do. I mean, I dont think she deserves anything else from me. I think me being her friend, after what she did to me, is good enough.

AJ!!!!

I will wait for you.

endorphins

isnt it funny that I know what endorphins are because of an episode of medium I watched when I was in 7th grade? I do.

I was wondering what the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you is. Because I want you to do something nicer tomorrow. Do that, and then tell me how you feel.

You need to go

Right now I am typing like an old person< and I find it Quite amusing. Now, I am not. Now, I am. Isnt it funny that You wouldnt be able to tell that if I didnt tell you? I feel like that is the nature of technology, You can be incredibly terrible at something, but technology evens the playing field, because in the end, all the answers, or all the work amounts to the same thing.

I have recently begun to listen to a lot more music, and I enjoy it greatly.

I like everything to do with music, It is my life, and It will be for a long time. I just need to make sure I remember that its just music, and not a job.

I think I am a personality trait.

Goosebumps

over the weekend I saw a speech about goosebumps, and I really liked it.

I was just thinking about all the things that give me goosebumps, or make the hair on the back of my neck stand up, because those are the things that I want more of.

Thing 1. Whenever I watch paul pott's first audition on youtube.

Thing 2. Whenever I watch the miracle on ice.

Thing 3. Whenever I'm on stage, and a chord rips through the band, and its just so amazingly perfect. (thats only happened once)

Thing 4. When I make people smile.

Thing 5. When someone does something incredibly nice for me, like comes to my house just to give me a hug.


Those are just a few of the things that make me really happy, and I hope that you care about me enough to read through all of them.

I'm gonna go watch tv right now.

I'm thinking

I'm thinking that I do NOT appreciate being ignored. In fact, it is the last thing that I want to happen. I am glad that it has stopped, and I hope that things can continue to get better.

In other news, I have been having a lot of good conversations with the person who I am sitting next to. I think were good friends. I'm glad for that, because she seems like a good person to be friends with.

Also... I'm on the verge of having two C's. I hate talking about my grades on here, because thats just dumb, but I am on the verge of having two C's, and that has NEVER happened before.

I really wish things could go back to the way that they were. Back when I missed you, and you missed me. Back when I wanted to be with you, and you wanted to be with me. Back before you thought about it.

That needs to turn blue!

I'm really tired.

We should all just be happy.

todays lesson:

Learn to let go.

I'm upset right now

Yes, I'm upset right now. Mainly because I feel like I havent been given a chance.

I dont know how to describe how I feel.... just know that I'm not happy right now.

What is the matter with me?

Is there something wrong with me?

finally!

YAY!

Its official

Its valentines day today. As much as I dont like valentines day, its kind of a depressing day to be single on. I dont much like it. Oh well, Ive decided that I'm not single right now. I'm taken. I just cant do anything about it. There. done.

Also, I'm super excited for college. And the next few weeks. I feel like change is gonna happen.

In other news, I too deleted my twitter account. Now... on to facebook. That will be a lot harder for me to do, but I think I can muster up the courage eventually.

I hope all this texting turns out to be something, instead of nothing. I mean, it is something right now, but I want something more.

Damien rice and Andrew bird... I like them.

I now have to go to the bathroom.

Happy

I think... that right now I am happy.

I like meeting new people. I like to have the courage to meet new people. I like when other people like me.

New Philosophy:

Stop living in "what if" and start living in what is.

To put it short, I'm glad shes talking to me again, because that was quite a sad couple of days for me. It even brought me to tears once.

Also, music is the greatest thing that has ever existed, and that ever will exist, and I am proud to want to make that my career.

You didnt answer me...

Why do you get up in the morning?

baudition

Today, I played for my first teacher. It was so incredibly nerve wracking, I almost peed myself. or passed out. Normally nervousness is not a place where I like to be, but today, I got there, and I stayed there for a while.

Thats really not where I ever want to be again, so I'm going to do everything in my power to stay clear of that place.

In other news... Yesterday I was a single lady in front of the whole school... Lets just say that I'm a star. I big one. and I'm only getting bigger.

thats enough about me.

let me ask you a question.

Why do you get up in the morning?

not a fan.

not a fan of the last couple days. not a fan at all.

this is hard.

Its hard to realize what I did wrong. I'm really not sure. maybe tomorrow will tell.

I really lke couchsurfing. and if you are worried about it, stop worrying about "what if" and try to embrace what is. I can assure you, things will be a lot easier for you.

I really like this person. evidently, they dont want to talk to me anymore. I dont really understand. I hope they accept my gift, because that would make me etremely sad if they didnt.

I am now going to sleep. let us hope that everything works in my favor. it usually doesnt, but I feel like times are changing.

Drink the sky

my arm feels as though it is going to fall off.

tonight was a lot of fun, I havent played badminton in a long time. I really enjoyed myself. I also have a new someone on my mind quite a lot. I approve of the situation this time though. so thats good.

I hope I dont ruin everything.

here, I have a poem.

Stomache what you must, for in times of need
You may always look up. You can see what you want
To see in the clouds is a wonderful experience
You may drink up the sky for in all its wonder,
It is still all that we need.
We need hope
We may drink that in
We need love
We may drink that in
In the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
We may still look up and feel it.
So sit, and ponder
And in times of great need,
As we all wish we could,
Look up
And drink the sky.

take care.

People that I care about:

the list is too long to write.

things that I care about:


... what do you think?


I just spent the night laughing with two of my best friends. I like that a lot.

In other news... toad face anderson and the rest of the guidance office hates me, and I passed my econ test out procedure. but just barely.

I'm gonna go play maddenuntil I fall asleep. goodnight :)

promasaurus rex is beginning to unearth itself. I'm not a fan.

sometimes I dont know what to do.

At first I was angry.

Then I was sad.

Now I'm just ok.

I remember the days when I didnt have facebook. that was before I had friends.



This album cover makes me laugh a ridiculous amount.

Ive changed. kinda. I'm not sure.

My friends have changed.

Well, my friends havent changed, my friends dont change. Who my friends are have changed.

I miss you. And you too. You know who you are...

Tears roll down my face sometimes. I used to think its because I'm tired. Now I believe its because I'm alone most of the time.

My house is mine, and not my dads for the next month. you may join me here if you would like.

Some people, are just beautiful people. I hope you can realize what that means.

Were nothing without eachother.

Here I am

I'm sad

I dont know what I'm doing

I'm happy

And I still dont know what I'm doing.

I'm content.

Love is a journey, much like god. You can only find it through experience. you may have some knowledge, but you do not truly know it.

You should read "the music lesson" by victor wooten.

heres the dealio

So heres the thing. I need to stop talking about love. I dont even know what the hell I'm talking about half the time. I realized that tonight.

I am a jealous person sometimes. Its true.

I dislike rudeness. I dislike it with a passion.

I love hilarity. see, there I go with love again. dammit.

I do like that warm and fuzzy christmas feeling I get when I'm around certain people though.

Glee

I watched glee tonight. I really just cannot get enough of that show. I am a gleek.

In other news, I have concluded that I am ridiculous on so many levels. but, you know what? I dont give a rats patoot! I like my pep band, I like my star wars, I like my funny noises. I like my awkwardness. and if you dont like those things on me, then go suck something big and nasty. Because you're not my friend.

Also, I'm really excited about a ton of things.

OH! I almost forgot. I dont love her, I love her best friend.

also. Thanks for 500 days of summer. I know it was you :) and if it wasnt... then I'm confused.