pomp and circumstance

I jsut got out of the shower. I went in thinking that I would reflect upon my day, and think of what insights to insert into this here piece of writing. I walked out thinking how much that body wash I use makes my junk smell like vanilla. Twas a very productive shower indeed.

in any case, I played pomp and circumstance today. we almost messed it up royally, but, we didnt. probly because i'm in the band.

I also thought about what the word commencement means. I was under the impression that it means starting something. and I always took this graduation day as a day for things to end. its the end of highschool. for the most part, it signifies the end of friendships, and the end of relationships that have been cultivated for 12 long years.

But then I realized that it doesnt signify that at all. it marks the beginning of the rest of your life.
I dont feel like elaborating, because everyone knows what that means.

I get to eat expensive food for free tomorrow. I'm excited.

my phone jsut buzzed rather angrily at me. I shall see you tomorrow.

dont forget to drop your jaw when playing those low notes.

the crying game.

I feel like crying right now. Just so everyone knows. Reflecting upon my day, I could talk about all the good things that happened. all the laughter that occured, which was a lot, and all the fun things that happened. which there were also a lot. But, instead my thoughts keep on dwelling on my inability to take a joke, and my incredibly thin skin.

I remember even when I was little, all my friends would always make fun of me, and I would take everything personally, even though most of it was meant as a joke. I didnt understand the concept of a "joke." I thought it was me being made fun of for things that I hold no control over.

I realize that I need to listen to what I always say to everyone else. I need to just let things flow over me, and hold on to only the things that I like. but you know, from some people, I end up holding on to other things.

I guess I learned a lot of things about myself today. I learned that there is always at least one person who can make me smile, and that person varies from day to day. I learned that I make noises when I sleep. NOISE NOISE NOISE. and i learned that I dont function well on 4 hours of sleep at my job.

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of that. ^ done.


In other news, I'm very happy for all my friends who are graduating tomorrow.

in still other news, I still love you with all my heart.

live. laugh. love.

I have the second two down... sometimes I have a little trouble with the first.

I had a title, but I forgot it

today was amazing. I have to say. despite some of the awkwardness that seemed to follow me wherever i go, It was amazing.

It was the first day of summer today. I spent it sleeping, cleaning, and being awkward. the sleeping was amazing. the cleaning was cleansing, and the awkward was...awkward.

the cleaning felt so good to do. It was as cleansing as a hot bath, and a hell of a lot more productive. I didnt realize how much of a slob I was until I picked up all the crap thats been lying on my floor for months and months. I'm glad I found that out, because it is highly unattractive, and gross...

I also decided today that no matter how much effort I have to put into school, I am going to get a 4.0 next year. I will make every effort, and take every step to do that. I will also help someone else do that, I will feel extra good about myself after it. I'm excited.

krista is coming over to my house in approximately 3 hours. I am very excited. we are going to have an excellent time.

I think I'm going to drink my red bull at 1. perhaps I will still be hyper at 3 when she arrives.

if I'm not, I will make it so.

Have a good evening.

I should really watch those movies that I rented, but I dont want to, because that would make me fall asleep...

have a good night.

you are amazing.

when I was little, my dad had this magnet on the fridge. I believe it was called "101 praises" or something to that effect. He would always read those things to me. They would be things like "your super!" or "wow, great work!" or other things of that nature. they were just simple things like that, but I really truly believe those things helped me a lot when I was younger.

I told two people some praises from that today, I hope it made them feel nice. It made me feel nice to tell it to them. I jsut remember how it made me feel when he would tell that to me...I hope they felt the same...

in other news...today was the last day of school. I'm so glad its over, so now I dont have to fake like I am putting in effort. I can just put effort into things that I actually care about.

I really want to go to a movie. someone should take me to one...

so ends another year. and so begins another lifetime.

good morrow my dear friends and random people who may stumble across this piece of writing. I hope I have provided you with some good words.

I shall now sleep...

my patronus is shaped like ms wait

this is me and mike. we're good friends.

mike was the first person to invite me over to his house in lake city, and for that I am forever grateful. I look forward to spending the summer hanging with him, krista, and a few others. I think it will be such the fun summer.

in other news, I had a nice time with krista tonight, we talked about many things and I bought her dairy queen. I love it.

In still other news, my mother asked me about this thing here (blog) I was a little taken aback that she reads it...but, its the internet, so what can you do?

In still other news, famous daves is why america is a great country.

or, it could be because I live here that america is a great country...

I ate a pizza today. what have you done?

It annoys me when people become too competitive. I guess I am at fault for that sometimes, but, that is human nature. It annoys me when people take something fun, and make it not fun. such was the case with the scavenger hunt. so we cheated on one pic. who cares? its about creativity, and having fun. we were able to accomplish that. were you?

in other news, school is pointless, I miss my senior friends, band seems pointless without tommy, everything else seems pointless with out everything else.

but, as my newfound motto states, oh well. most things are only temporary. same with this part of my life.

I was trying to remember when I came to realize that who I was was an excellent person and I didnt need to change that. I cant remember, I think I was jsut born with that sense. haha.

I can remember the first time I realized that I would never go into a hollister or abercrombie though. that was in 9th grade.

I refuse to go into one of those. they, along with american idol, are the decline of human civilization.

I wonder about some people.

amy dudley cracks me up.

have a grand old evening.

TITTIES!!!!

I had a good day today. I think...

have you ever been called a ass lick face fucker by a kindergartener? neither have I. but my bassoon teacher has...

I wonder where he learned that language.

oh well, I guess thats what comes from living in red wing.



I ahve found that if I leave something alone, it usually comes back to me. maybe I should do that more often.

uploading pictures on facebook is very tedious.

when I have children, I will sing them to sleep.

sleep is in my future.

the word for tonight is shalacked

shalacked as in the twins got shalacked the last week, but are now putting on a shalacking of the national league.

I feel shalacked right now. my tiredness is unparralelled, and I wish I could just sleep forever.

I feel shalacked in body and mind. I have spent an entire day thinking. it takes a lot out of you, thinking. in fact right now, I am so tired that I have my eyes closed while I am blogging because I dont even have the strength to open them...how ridiculous.

I wish I could just constantly be with my friends. spending time with my folks is good and all, but, I would rather be with my friends. namely a few special friends. because they make me happy when I am around them. and I like being happy.

I will spend time with one of those friends tomorrow, and another one of those friends on friday. hopefully.

grand.

tired. like none other.

good night.

foraging for intellectuals.

I went on a scavenger hunt today. I found lots of things, including new friends. and by friends, I mean people that think I'm crazy. I found overalls being used as a bee swatter. I found a mother enjoying conversation with her son and his friends. I found a beautiful owner of a fancy restaraunt. I found a delicious sandwitch. I found 3 morels when I was hoping for 6. I found bananas. I found delicious ice cream. I found great friends. and I found my sanity. it had apeared that I lost it.

I dont have much else to say, except that paranoia annoys me, even though I can get quite paranoid. but, such is the way of the human.

have a good evening.

I'm gonna name a child thadeus.

my grass is like my hair. short and going everywhere.

I'm going to grow a beard. I will be a rugged, sexy man. Just thought you would like to know that.

I have concluded that I am the worst good student ever.

both me and my father have sneezed in the last two minutes.

I realize that all the people that I talk to frequently love me, and I love them a trememndous amount.

I also spend a lot of time not doing my homework.

Today was the seniors last day of school. which means that tomorrow, the rest of my posse wont be there. and the next day, and the next day. and every single day after that. this fact makes me extrememly sad. a single tear just rolled down my face. but thats because I just yawned. I would cry, could I cry over things like this.

If there is one thing that I could not live without, it is touch. I have concluded that we need touch. I hugged three different people. one of them once, and the other two twice. and it just feels nice. I feel like I dont get enough of that...

I slept outside last night. twas very comfortable indeed.

my phone is once again buzzing off the hook.

I must leave.

I have a test tomorrow, and no belly to rub.

o! cruel fate! why do you torture me so!?

movement impaired.

The heat has left me movement impaired.

I'm pretty sure tonight, I am very pessimistic.

ITS HOT!

republicans are hyporites, and a lot of people believe in them.

and american idol has a grip upon society that is completely and utterly ridiculous.

I have shit in my throat.

I cant move right now, so I have to watch keith olberman. hes not bad, but I dont care about politics right now. its jsut dumb. I would much rather care about things that actually matter. not that politics dont...

there are some ridiculous people that will be graduating this year. I'm glad.

my phone is buzzing quite a lot. I must leave.

have a grand old evening.

I dream of her.

thats going to be the title of a piece of music that I am writing. Its going to be so beautiful, that people will cry. Andrea will cry, cuz its about her, and everyone else will cry jsut because of the beauty that it posesses.

ITS SO DAMN HOT!!!!!

I should fart in gods mouth for making it so hot. its ridiculous. I feel like every pore in my body has been on overdrive since tennis practice started. and now if someone smelled the pit region of my body, they would probly die.

I wont be at school tomorrow, I will be playing tennis instead. I wont have 2/3 of my people with me. and that makes me sad. but, oh well, I guess it will be practice for next year.

I hate in when people change the issue. for instance, I was talking to my dad about the torture thing thats going on in the news, and we both agree that the blame is being completely switched around, and the focus is being shifted. but, I guess thats how those right wing nut bags get what they want...I know that I am above that.

I miss katie.

wish me luck, and krista dont forget your work clothes.

goodnight.

I'm allergic to vegetables

hey, do you remember those days when I was happy and carefree? I think those days are back. I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I can begin again. even though I feel like a small part of me has died, I feel like I can begin again.

I played singles today, and I learned that I love having that other person there to feed off of. Its really good to have.

I havent cried in a long time. like, really cried. I shall have to do something like that sometime soon. its good to cry. It releases toxins and stuff.

I miss katie so much. its ridiculous.

have a good evening.

Do you think I'm full of shit, my son?

Good afternoon.

I was left alone at work today, and today happened to be the day when all sorts of rich people ride through town on their 3 speed bycicles, and go and eat, and continue on their tour. between the hours of 11 and 1 might have been the most stressful time of my entire life. There must have been about 30 people in line at one point. I didnt even have enough time to call my mother. when someone else did have the ability to call her, she came and yelled at me for not calling her. I was pretty pissed, to say the least.

but, I learned a lot about myself in that two hour period. I am very zen-like under pressure. The people kept coming, and I kept performing. The potter said he tried to talk to me, and ask me how it was going, but, I didnt even notice. which, I vaguely remember, but not entirely. I guess thats what it means to be in "the zone".

I also moved a piano today, and was reminded of how good it is to help people who need it. People who didnt need to help us at all, lended a hand, and it was done in a half hour. I am glad that I have good role models who would do things such as this.

I would like to begin meditating. if anyone would care to join me, I will start this evening.

I was thinking that right now would be a good time to name off all the people that have influenced me in some way or another, but I decided that the list would be too long. So, I wont.

my throat hurts. I hope that doesnt mean I'm getting sick. I cant have that right now.

I'm ridiculously excited for summer. I think this will be the best one yet. seeing as I will actually have friends in this crapshoot of a town. and I will be going cool places. maybe my wildest dreams will even come true.

yes, they will.

have a grand old evening.

boobulater

Is the boobulater certified by the college board on the AP test?
hmmmmm...let me check its perkiness...hmmm....nope not perky enough. put this boobulater in the nonosquare.

I spent the whole day with friends. It was a good day. I spent the whole day realizing how lucky I am to have such excellent friends. Although, I dont know what I will do next year. I suppose I will just have to lead my posse. we will be so cool. people will look at us in awe whenever we glide down the hallway (we dont walk, we glide). and I will have the ability to bring people out of the air with a snap of my fingers.

In all seriousness, I know that next year, my friends are going to change. I wont be as close to my friends that I am closest to right now. and thats ok. things change. and I wouldnt have it any other way.

my tummy jsut growled a little.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes...I was like dude...you have to wait.

I really miss katie.

live long and prosper

There are some times, when its really good just to not think at all. tonight was one of those nights. My mind was so wrapped up in thoughts of this week, that I couldnt even move. I was paralyzed.

It was a confusing week to say the least. it seemed as though one of my friends was pushing me away. it was one of the saddest feelings that I have ever felt. but, luckily that feeling has passed and has been replaced with love. the greatest of all feelings.

You do not know how much love I have for all of my friends. it is really, quite an enormous amount. (if that puts anything into perspective) If I didnt have them, I do not know what I would do. so, please dont push me away, or leave me. I wont leave you.

I saw star trek tonight. spock is a hot man. just sayin.

leonard nimoy is really old.

live long and prosper.

Cellophane

After I got home from my tennis match, I debated about leaving a really angry blog. I didn't, so be happy.

I am dramatic. yes I admit it.

Someone did not take a shit on my face, I had a bad morning/evening.

I won in tennis.

I met with friends.

I couldnt keep my eyes off someone.

I couldnt keep my eyes off another someone.

I shouldnt leave depressing statuses on facebook anymore, or any statuses for that matter, my mother always asks me about them. its really annoying.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I feel like I should say something that makes you think. I cant.


I wish she would text me back, but, if she doesnt, I understand.

have a good evening.

metronome is what keeps you in time.

The tin man

the tin man doesnt have a heart.
the tin man is scared.
his joints are stiff,
he stands around,
wandering, looking for his place.

I am not the tin man
I amy look scared
my joints may be stiff
I may stand around
look for my place.

but I have a heart.
I felt it flutter today.

-------------------------------------------
good evening ma'am.

good evening mister.

I'm glad you could join me.

we have so much to discuss.

I wont be talking to my constant tonight. at least one of them. hopefully I will be talking to the other one.

In any case, I'm very glad the scholarships have been decided. it seems like thats the only word Ive heard in the last week and a half. how ridiculous. however, I am sad that a few people didnt get one...

I have a story to tell.

There was once a man. He was very observant. He moved slowly, so as to take in more of the sights, sounds, and smells around him. He walked carefully, so as not to disturb his surrounding environment. And he walked with a passion, so as to give his life purpose.

On this day, the man was walking, observing the sights, sounds, and smells that permeated the world that he had placed himself in, when he saw something. He saw something that provoked a reaction that he had never had before. he saw something that made his heart flutter.

His breathing became heavy, his steps became short, his vision became cloudy, and his heart beat twice as fast. but still, his face let nothing through, save for the thin smile that he always wore. as she walked past, he could do nothing but wave.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I have section tennis tomorrow. You must come and watch.

I feel like this week has been shortened bys omething. or that I am not on the same page as all my friends. Its a little confusing, but I'm sure it will all work out.

have a good evening.

tin man, out.

at least I have a life...

Bull shit you have a life.. you go to a fricken boarding school.

oh well, I'm over you, douchebag.

I played cocky people in tennis tonight. I let my anger get the better of me. I dont like it when I do that. I like to be in control of my emotions.

At least we won.

there are several people that are beginning to annoy me. wont tell who, but just know taht your getting on my nerves.

I wonder what people think of me in other parts of the country. do they think I'm a decent person?

I hope so...

I have a dream.

I have a dream that one day, I will live in harmony with every human being on the planet.

I have a dream that one day, I will live in complete bliss and joy amongst people that I love.

I have a dream that love will be enough.

--------------------------------------------------------
I am a happy person. except in my blog. I am always sad in my blog. In real life, i make people laugh. in my blog, I make people say, man how depressing. I guess thats because in life, I can put on this facade, and make people think that I'm happy. But, when you put your thoughts down, its really hard to fake it.

in any case, my grades are slipping, I dont have what I want, and I have to go to the bathroom. but, I am communicating with my two female friends, and I won my tennis match againts people that I dont really like, so thats good.

I ate KFC tonight. I feel like a giant pile of shit. I should stop eating crappy food. maybe I will be like her and have an apple.

Remember that one time, in that one movie...? ....that was awesome.

I just thought f a really funny way to end this blog. but its inappropriate. so I wont do it. but just know that I could have made you laugh hysterically.

have a good evening, and dont get cyphilis. or crabs.

glee

there is a new show. its called glee. it looks dumb. thats all.

Have you ever had the feeling of wanting to let something go, and knowing taht you should, and it would be so much better for you than trying to keep this thing? well, I have this feeling right now. I want to let this someting go. but I jsut cant. this thing has consumed me throughout the last couple of months, and I jsut want to be relieved of it. but I just cant.

oh well.

my grandma says I have a nice group of friends. shes only seen pictures of them. shes good at seeing things then. because she is very right. I love my friends. I love them a lot. every single one of them.

I have stuff in the oven right now. I will go get it soon.

I feel annoying today. I really need to figure out what to do with myself. jesus christ on a mountain. I'm kind of pathetic sometimes.

that last paragraph was very self demeaning, and that is not at all what I'm about. but whatever, thougths come into my mind sometimes and I dont know what to do with them.

I wonder what life would be like if I were to let it go...

I wonder what life would be like if love were enough...

I wonder.

ME!!!!!!

Did you know that yesterday, my father came into my room and warned me of the dangers of putting things on the internet? Well, he did. It made me very upset. Because that means that people close to me are snooping. Instead of actually caring about what I have to say. So, scram, people who think they care about me, but actually don't.

Thats quite enough of that.

I was very sad last night. Things have changed. My friends are different, they all have different lives. as do I. but I cant help but remember all the times that we had together...oh well. times have changed. I suppose all I can do is remember who my true friends are, and spend more time with them before the game of life has been played out.

another item that made me sad. she told me she wishes she could feel the same way about me. that just makes my heart crumble into about 47000000 little pieces. I'm tired of trying. but I cant stop.

in other news. its mothers day. and I am at my fathers. how interesting.

In still other news, I failed a chemistry test. this marks the first time in history that I have ever failed a science test. and the subject matter was not that hard. i dont know what happened. I felt prepared...

oh well.

I would love somebody to love.

Buenos Nachos.

I love every woman in my life. I love them all in different ways, but I love them. in fact, I'm talking to one, and texting the other. I love them. I also love the men in my life. but all in different ways. I'm not communicating with any of them right now, but thats ok.

I know a bunch of hos fortunately, I do not associate myself with those people. and for that i am glad.

I guess I was flirting with someone tonight. whatever, I thought I was just being myself. I guess I'm just a flirtatious guy. that wont lead to anything tho, except perhaps a closer friendship. because I like that female. shes nice to me.

I wish there was some way I could change her mind...but, theres probly not. at least not anytime soon. oh well. life goes on.

I like giving massages. I like making people feel nice. I wonder if you can major in that in college.. making people feel nice. I would enjoy that.

As I type this, I am falling asleep. I wish you a good evening. buenos nachs

She's so flippin pretty.

Someone told me she was so flippin pretty. I completely agree. Completely agree.

test is done, and I have one less class to worry about. hoorah.

I want to talk to her tonight. I will do so.

I want to go on a midnight walk sometime.

I have plans tomorrow night.

I told someone I love them tonight. it was the first time ive done that since a dream I had. woo.

My dad isnt here tonight. that makes me glad. I like being alone.

I want you. I want you so bad, its drivin me mad.

I love you.

j'ai t'aime.

te amo.

Who would care for a sandwitch?

I remember a story I read when I was little...it was about a boy who was hungry, and he heard someone say "who would care for a sandwitch?" the boy ran over to the person, who just happened to be a witch who lived in the sand. the witch made the boy care for her, and then sent him home. the next day, the boy heard the same thing, and, after having a miserable day caring for the sandwitch, he decided to not go. and someone else went, and got a delicious sandwhich from the sandwitch. I dont know why I'm thinking about that...but whatever.

What a depressing evening. I dont believe I have ever witnessed both of my parents cry on the same evening before. I have concluded that my mother is a crazy person. along with ana's mother, and krista's mother.

I dont know waht to do, I dont know whos side to take, I dont know how to react, I dont know how to comfort them. I just dont know.

You think you have it bad, try having to deal with college finals, not having a job, a mouth infection, and your ex lover pushing a dog onto you, and paying 1000$ to keep the dog at your house.

I try to live in an atmosphere of love and compassion towards everything. I know my mother has always tried to teach me that, but...I think right now she is in the opposite mode. whatever. I am more inclined to go with my dad. I feel that he has been wronged in this situation.

I find it hard to complain about not getting what I want tonight. so, I will just wish for it tonight again at 11:11. hopefully, I will have it soon.

I found an old friend today. simply by the number 42 i found her. I need to see her soon. I miss her.

You know whats cool, about 75% of my best friends are women.

I need to stay in the present moment. We have it on sale at hopes harvest. In case you want some.

Do you remember?

I do. just so you know.

anyways. Dont you find it interesting that depending on the person, any question can be annoying? I do, for instance, whenever my dad askes me about my day, I get annoyed. and yet, whenever krista or liz ask me about my day...I do not. muy interesante.

I hung out with her this evening. twas a grand time. we laughed, I jested. We held hands, if only for a moment. it was exhilerating. and people looked at us funny.

band concert.

I dont like earth wind and fire.

I feel like someones watching me. Or talking about me.

I hope I do well on all my tests in the next few days, as I have a lot of them. like 5.

kung fu hamlet. tomorrow. third hour. ms. waits lair. be there or be square.

spokoi nu nochi.

star wars day.

It's star wars day. and i wish you a happy one. may the fourth be with you.

I nearly won in tennis today. I played rather well, against one of the better teams in the state. and yet, my coach still expects me to do more. I know I could have played better, but still. I like to be complimented. oh well.

My dog might have to be put down. if you would like a dog, please let me know.

My two favorite teachers are in bad health right now.

My best friend is really sick.

I'm so tired.

My mother is ridiculous sometimes.

My dad likes to brag.

I'm done.

I miss you.

I'm waiting.

I love you.

J'ai taime.

I adore you.

J'ai t'adore.

bon nuit.

turkey.

Today, I got slapped in the face by a piece of turkey. It felt oddly good.

yesterday, I dressed up in fancy clothes. I watched other people look extremely beautiful, and looked "elegant" and "charming" (according to anne Pflaum). I had a great time. the whole day was just a great time. I probly had more fun during the day than I did at the actual dance, as you may know, I'm not one for dancing. usually. and besides, I didnt have anyone to stare at like I did at the semi formal. but whatevs. I t was still a grand time.

I feel like this year has been the best year of my entire existance on this planet. this school year at least. I have friends. and for that, I am glad. I wish I could have every year be as grand as this year.

I wish I could be as beautiful as alydia lee. she was the most gorgeous thing ever. she still is.

I need to let something go. but I cant. and I never will.

I miss you.

I wont be on the phone tonight...

probly not at least. you should be sad for me.

This morning, my dog bit me. and right now, he will not shut his fucking mouth. I want him to be quiet. but I dont want to get up, because he bit me this morning. and he almost bit me again this evening. good god. you have no idea how angry I am right now.

I wish I knew how to change peoples minds. or make them realize things. Or, I wish I just was ridiculously attractive on every single level possible. that would solve problems. or so I think. haha.

I just met up with an old friend on facebook. I seem to have a lot of 9th grade friends that are girls. how interesting. haha. oh well. none of them are hoebags, so thats ok.

I seem to be really angry tonight. I wish I could change that.

I wish she would contact me before I sleep. if she doesn't, well, thats ok. theres always tomorrow.

goodnight fair maiden.